I was home for a few days after my big Thailand trip. That trip did give me confidence in my future. I was able to do some things that I never expected to do and I was open to new opportunities. One of the things I also learned is that my family is so important to me. I am sad that Mike is gone. I wish it was different and that he was there to see our sons move on with their lives. He was a real hands on dad. He insisted on family dinners and no t.v. during the week. We went on family vacations and often did day trips as a family when the boys were little. So doing this next step alone is unsettling but I am so fortunate to have great kids and the support of both my family and Mike’s. So while I was away Mike’s brother has been there to drive the boys to the airport and Mail up the laptop that was left behind. My brother opened his home to us and welcomed us into his loving family. Since my older son goes to school near my brother, and I had not done the typical “bring your child to college thing” I decided to visit during Labor Day weekend. Usually on Labor Day weekend I join my neighbors and listen to bands at the annual lighthouse festival. It was one of Mike’s favorite things about living here that we did. It was his Facebook cover picture. So again, I wanted to avoid those memories. I took my puppy on a five hour drive upstate NY. I went with family to see my nephew play football at college. He was awesome! I hiked with my sister in law, niece and puppy. I walked around my son’s college, went grocery shopping with him, put new bedding on his bed and enjoyed a lovely dinner out together.
I was happy to go away because I am afraid of the empty house. Both kids are away and husband is gone, and winter is coming. It gets dark and I will be at work but how does this all move forward? I have plenty of time to figure it out I guess. I used the high winds and storm warnings to stay an extra night even though my puppy wasn’t quite behaving himself. Oh well. Family is very accepting so I am thankful for that. I was happy to be there. I did feel that I belonged and that is important as I learn to identify myself in this new role.