Do Widows Wear Wedding Rings?

My left ring finger looks so bare as I think about what to write about on my blog today.  I have put on a few pounds since my wedding day and my ring was literally stuck on my finger.  It was a beautiful ring that my grandmother had worn her whole life and she left to me in her handwritten scrawl on the side of her neatly typed Last Will and Testament.

When Mike and I decided to get married, after living together in California for a year, I went home to New York, took the ring out of the safety deposit box and declared ourselves engaged.  Eight months later we got married and we soldered her platinum diamond ring to my wedding band.  I did not change the setting because it is so beautiful the way it is.

But, as with many of the things from my marriage, I have acknowledged that some things are no longer true.  Like on Facebook it says I am married.  I feel like I am married, but I guess I should really change that to widowed, or at this point I am in a relationship.  That just seems too real to deal with.

Most of Mike’s clothes are now gone from his closet, although I still have a few items that I think my sons may want or just keep them around to see.  I have expanded my summer wardrobe into his closet.  Recently I was going through some piles of papers and came across his expired old license and photo I.D. card from a hotel we worked in together in California.  I didn’t get rid of them, yet.  Not sure why – I just didn’t want to.

Some widows are ready when their husband passes, and clean out the houses right away.  That is not the way I dealt with it.  Since his death was unexpected I was in the denial zone for a while, I left everything as is.  In fact, I often thought and dreamed that this was all a big mistake and he would be back.

Slowly, I have made progress in moving forward and parting with some things that I really don’t need.  His toiletries and medicines took a while, but I realized that I didn’t really want or need them and cleaned out the bathroom shelves one day.  He didn’t collect much stuff, but I did get rid of some of his books and papers.  I still have his framed diplomas.  I guess as long as I am living in this house I don’t have to make decisions about all that stuff yet.

Back to the ring.  It is so pretty.  I had to cut it off my finger.  It was broken in 2 parts of the band and starting to make my finger turn blue.  I could change the setting, but since it is about 100 years old, I think I may have it resized and just wear it on my right hand. Maybe I will use my wedding band and his wedding band and design a piece of jewelry to keep him close to my heart as well.

Just something I am thinking about this morning.  Then maybe I’ll change my Facebook status.  Or maybe I won’t.

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do widows wear wedding rings?

do widows wear wedding rings

 

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Comments

32 comments on “Do Widows Wear Wedding Rings?”
  1. Dawn Leblanc says:

    I so feel your dilemma! I have 2 wedding bands. Married the same man 3 times! I may never remove them.

    1. runawaywidow says:

      He must have been someone very special. thanks for reading.

  2. Addie says:

    We do things, say things, plan things when we are ready, and when we are ready we will know it, all who love us will want us to live, to love , to be happy.

    1. runawaywidow says:

      So true. Things that you thought would never be something you want in the first 6 months, changes after 2 years and some things don’t. Great to have support from loved ones.

  3. Christine E Lister says:

    Thanks for your thoughts. I had to take my wedding ring off almost 4 months after my husband died suddenly bc it was making me so sad to see it. Plus the reality was, I was no longer married. I bought another ring in its place as a commitment between me and God bc I’m not ready to announce I’m single to strangers. One day at a time… one experience at a time.

    1. runawaywidow says:

      Thanks Christine for your comment. The idea of another ring sounds great. Enjoy it.

  4. plr33 says:

    All I can say is there is not one appropriate way to grieve. However you do it is EXACTLY right for you💕💕

    1. runawaywidow says:

      This is so true. It’s nice to know that you are not alone too and to hear other ideas on this path none of us wanted to go down.

  5. cedar51 says:

    I wouldn’t change my f/b profile just yet – maybe find a way to make it secret, so you don’t have to reveal anything to anyone.

    as to the ring, it’s your decision – I have my old wedding ring, somewhere – but I never wear it – (I’m not a widow, though – separated quite a few decades) I haven’t worn any rings for years…just not my style.

    1. runawaywidow says:

      It’s amazing how many people feel strongly about wearing them after their husband dies. I think I will probably resize it and wear it on my right hand because it is so pretty and a family heirloom. thanks for your comment!

  6. joleisa says:

    I understand your dilemma. When my son died I got rid of most of his stuff after about 6 months. So many memories. But I choose to hold on to some of the photos that will be with me forever. Thanks for this.

    1. runawaywidow says:

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I also saved many photos. I used to look at them every day but after a while I live more in the present, just keep a couple around the house.

  7. Jenn Loyd Life + Style says:

    This must be such a hard decision to make! My heart aches for what you have gone through and are still going through.

    1. runawaywidow says:

      Thank you so much. For me it has been a tough thing to do, take it off. I think I’ll have it resized and wear on my right hand. Thanks for your comment.

  8. Sophia says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine losing my fiancé (who’s name is Mike) and your blog has opened my eyes. Hopefully this means I can be empathetic with my friend who recently lost her husband. What’s something that someone did for you that really helped you? We are not best friends but I’d like to help her through this time.

    Also, I say you don’t have to change your Facebook status. If you’re married in your heart xx

    1. runawaywidow says:

      Thank you for reading. So many people did nice things for me after my husband died. People brought over food, or sent cards with gift cards to restaurants in them with a note. That was really nice. I did not like to talk on the phone, so people who just stopped by were much easier for me to deal with than making plans. Just show up is the best advice. Best wishes on your wedding!

  9. Ricki says:

    My husband passed 4 months ago do to cancer. He is the love of my life. I still wear my ring, I still have my Facebook status as married. I still have his Facebook activated. I don’t think I’m in denial. I just haven’t felt the need to make those changes.

    1. runawaywidow says:

      I agree. I have not wanted to change those things either. After 30 months it is something I think about and I had to take the ring off. Planning to get it resized though. Thanks for reading

      1. linda hegseth says:

        i wear his ring on a necklace and i find that comforting.

      2. runawaywidow says:

        That is a great idea. I love it. Thanks for reading

  10. I remarried a widower and I am also a widow. I only wear my new husbands ring but he wears both❤️

    1. runawaywidow says:

      That’s nice that he wears both and you are OK with that. I may want to resize mine and just wear it on the other hand since it’s also a family heirloom. Thanks for reading and your comment!

  11. This was so emotional for me; not because I have gone through this but because my grandma currently is. I love the idea of another ring!

    1. runawaywidow says:

      Thanks for reading. Sorry for your loss. I’m planning to wear mine again in a different way.

  12. I’ve just read your lovely post on a day when I’ve been thinking about my husband, who I lost 4 years ago, and wondering when would be the right time to stop wearing my wedding ring. The trouble is, as soon as I have that thought I almost panic – it’s such a big step (I don’t really know why) and I just can’t do it so, after reading this, I swapped my wedding and engagement ring to my right hand. I don’t know if they’ll stay there – I feel so unbalanced, for want of a better word, but, thanks to you and your post, I’ve tried. Thank you x

    1. runawaywidow says:

      Wow. Thanks for sharing. I had mine resized and wear it on my right hand now too. It takes a while but now I’m used to it. Sending you a hug.

      1. Lasted about 10 mins this morning but baby steps I think…. thanks so much that means a lot and right back at you 🤗

  13. I relate so much. My husband passed away in January and I’m only 47. This wasn’t suppose to be this way. I still have a married status on Facebook and still feel married, too. I refer to him as “my husband” when telling stories, as if he is still alive. Three weeks before he passed away I told him how sorry I was that I felt like I had taken him for granted and that he would always be there. He told me it was ok and he wasn’t going anywhere. But he did. I just recently took my wedding ring off and only because I was missing two prongs and I was afraid of losing my diamond. I keep trying to feel it on my finger and it feels so naked and strange. My husband was a jeweler and I kept telling him I needed new prongs and re-tipping and he wasn’t able to get to it because he was battling cancer. I feel like I can’t have anyone repair it or change it because he designed it and always took care of it for me. I’m still in that denial phase and hate to change or get rid of anything. It helps to know I’m not alone. Read your post about holidays and 4th of July today. I relate to that, too. Miss him so much.

    1. runawaywidow says:

      Thanks for reading. It sounds like your ring is really special. I hope you can get it fixed and continue to wear it as long as you like! Hugs.

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