How to memorialize and honor a loved one

Headstones, tattoos, ashes in objects, memorial runs and benches: How to memorialize and remember a loved one.  The choices are many and is there more guilt if you don’t do it right?

It is impressive how much good and how much craziness comes from memorializing our loved ones.

Each religion has it’s own traditions for the passing of our family members.  In Judaism the body is buried immediately and the family sits shiva for one week.  The word “shiva” means seven for the 7 day mourning period and mourners are supposed to sit low to the ground. Mirrors are covered which symbolize the absence of vanity and self indulgence in a place of grief. People are expected to stop by and may bring a meal or a cake and then sit with the family.

In the Christian religion there could be an open casket wake where mourners view the dead body at a funeral home for one or 2 days. Then a religious service and burial ceremony in a cemetery may follow.

If the body is cremated the ashes can be interred in a mausoleum or scattered outside.  According to an article by Cremation Solutions, the extreme heat of cremators means that absolutely no organic material remains after cremation  so human ashes do not present any sort of health hazard to the living or the environment.  According to the EPA burial at sea of human remains – cremated or not – is permitted if placed in the ocean at least 3 miles or more from land.

But once the body is gone, what do we do to help us remember our loved ones?

Throw a party

Or a memorial celebration or something like that.  Many people loved and miss the person too so create a way to celebrate their life.  Invite family and friends and ask people to make speeches and focus on wonderful memories. Share photos and stories with family and friends.

Ceremonial Goodbye

Sending off flowers in the sea, releasing butterflies or even doves can be a beautiful way to represent letting go and new beginnings.  It is environmentally not a good idea, even illegal in some states, to let go of balloons.  Some companies claim to make a biodegradable balloon so that could be a solution.  In China, flying kites at funerals is a way to honor the loved ones. Flying kites with messages tied to the tails in Guatemala brings hope of communicating with the departed to those grieving.

Donation or Scholarship

Asking for donations in lieu of flowers can help support a worthy cause that your loved one would appreciate.  Raising funds for a scholarship is another way to memorialize someone especially a younger person.

Memorial Run or Walk

Organizing the community to support a Memorial Run in the name of a loved one is a big undertaking but can bring awareness to the cause of death.  Additionally, you could organize a group and wear matching t-shirts to participate in an organized walk for research in curing diseases like  Breast Cancer or Alzheimers.

widow breast cancer walk

Headstone

If you bury a body you could purchase a headstone and place it on the ground above. A plot must be purchased at a cemetery and you will have to decide if there will be spots for additional family members. This can be a healing way to memorialize a loved one by having meaningful words and designs placed on the stone.  It also gives the family a place to visit which can help them feel connected to the dead.

Take a trip

When my grandmother died, my mom used the money she inherited to take her 3 kids on a “Legacy Trip”.  I met my mom and brother and sister in Rome during my semester in England. We took the Eurail train from Rome, to Nice France, to Paris and then to Norway where my grandmother’s family was from.  We will always remember that trip and what a nice tribute.

Get a tattoo

This seems to be a thing on the Facebook widow and widower pages that I read.  Some people design a tattoo with their loved one’s name and a graphic that is meaningful to them.  Some people, like me, just get a tattoo to remind them to keep breathing. What happens in Atlantic City sometimes stays on your wrist

widow tattoo breathe

Buy a bench or plant a tree

I see this a lot.  It seems like a nice thing to do.  Purchase a bench for a park that people can use to sit on and rest and dedicate in your loved one’s name.  Maybe there is a special place that you could plant a tree in memory of a loved one or purchase a brick at a college or sports arena.

Ashes in objects

Of course, many people purchase a beautiful urn and keep the urn in their homes on a mantle to remember their loved one.  Several places, take the ashes and design them into lovely shaped decorative glass art.  You can even have jewelry made to hold some ashes of your loved one so that you are always close to them.

Write a book (or a blog)

Journaling has been recommended by many therapists as a way to process the loss.  Sharing your story with others can help them to understand that they are not alone on this unexpected journey and that they will, one day, be OK.  Sharing stories about your loved one, either written or photo stories, keeps their memory alive.

A namesake

Maybe someone will name a child after a loved one.  Having that  piece of family history that children are named after a respected loved family member is another way to continue the legacy.

Jewelry

Passing on a special piece of jewelry or other valued objects like silver or china is another way for the family to remember the loved family member.  I recently had my grandmother’s wedding ring refitted and am wearing it – no longer as my wedding ring, but as a beautiful heirloom. Do Widows Wear Wedding Rings?

Each family is different and so whatever helps you to remember your loved one is the right way to do it for you.  Do not let those feelings of guilt sneak up.  I know I have sometimes felt I did not do everything right after Mike died, but it is not like I had any experience doing this.  I wish I had played more music at the wake.  He loved music and I would have wanted him to be serenaded.  I would have hired someone to play bagpipes too.  Thanks readers for letting me brainstorm.  Can you think of any other ideas?


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Comments

4 comments on “How to memorialize and honor a loved one”
  1. Addie says:

    So many choices, no guilt, do what is right for you..

    Like

  2. I have read a few of your blog posts, which have really helped my grief over the loss of my grandmother. I also feel some sort of relief at opening up with writing my blog, and it makes me feel good that I might be helping others!
    I am lucky that I have my grans engagement ring which I never take off! It also seems silly but she used to have this hair curler that she’d always forget she had in her hair, she used to go to the shops with it still in her hair, it was more often stuck in there than not! I’m smiling at the memory, I keep that curler in my room all the time too 🙂
    Thanks for sharing your experiences x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. runawaywidow says:

      That’s wonderful. I love that you keep her hair curler. I remember my grandmother and her curlers too. Thanks for reading!!

      Liked by 1 person

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